I have not posted an in almost a month. This past month has been hard, though I'm not sure why. I've been drained throughout, permanently tired and lackluster, struggling to concentrate at work and with anything important at home. For that I apologise, I just literally have not had the energy or willpower to write a post here, I consider my work a more important target for what energy I have had.

I've spoken to some who will be reading this about my past before, and some I've no doubt some will be groaning about me mentioning it here. When I was 8 my parents started divorcing and it tore my life apart. If it was not for my faith, accepted when I was 12 and those who kept trying to help, I don't know where I would be. Possibly dead, I seriously considered suicide at one point of the not-a-cry-for-help kind. Running away from home, considered that as well.

During that time, I found it harder and harder to make friends, to trust people, to let people in. My liking of books, a simple pleasure before, became a escape route, a path into a safe world, where people were honest and true, where things always turned out right and the good guys (almost) always won. My addiction to them has remained past my early youth, at 21 I am still a voracious bookworm, they still offer me safe harbour. I (literally) have just finished Elizabeth Moon's "Against the Odds", last book of the Serrano Legacy.

People during my childhood had no idea of the effect their actions and words had on me. In school, a harsh comment could cause me to break down in tears hours later once I was hidden, safe and a kind action would fill my heart with joy, though often I did not notice them, did not acknowledge them. If you were kind back then, and I ignored you, I'm sorry.

I received a chain mail today, and unlike most, it struck a chord in my heart. For once, I won't reply to it with a sarcastic "don't chainmail me", I'm republishing it here. Read it at the bottom of the post and think, you know not how your actions or words will change a person, you know not what state they are in. Be kind always, be generous always. You could well save a life, though you do not know it, bring joy and happiness though its hidden. To those that helped me back then, even though the chances of you ever reading this are slim, thankyou.

If you ever see someone, sitting in a corner, reading a book, or hiding away in your workplace or school, try to bring them out of their shell. For me, I still struggle, I literally had to be yanked into my current church community by someone not taking no for an answer. I am grateful to him to this day.

If you wish to comment, and don't have an account, as always mail me (kirrus@kirrus.co.uk) and I'll add your comment to the blog.

There is lots about my past I've not said here and I won't unless you ever meet me in person.

Before you get too frustrated with my rambling...

Chainmail:

_{What would you do? You make the choice. Don’t look for a punch line, there isn’t one. Read this anyway. My question is: Would you have made the same choice?}

_{At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning-disabled children, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question: “When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?” The audience was stilled by the query.}

_{The father continued. “I believe that when a child like Shay, physically and mentally handicapped comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.”}

_{Then he told the following story:}

_{Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, ‘Do you think they’ll let me play?’  Shay’s father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps. Shay’s father approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, “We’re losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we’ll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning”.Shay struggled over to the team’s bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. His Father watched with a small tear in his eye and warmth in his heart. The boys saw the father’s joy at his son being accepted. In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay’s team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.}

_{In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay’s team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.}

_{At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn’t even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.}

_{However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay’s life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact. The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.}

_{The game would now be over. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.}

_{Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman’s head, out of reach of all teammates. Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, ‘Shay, run to first! Run to first!’ Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.}

_{Everyone yelled, ‘Run to second, run to second!’ Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball … the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher’s intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman’s head. Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.}

_{All were screaming, “Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay”.}

_{Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, “Run to third! Shay, run to third!”}

_{As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, “Shay, run home! Run home!”}

_{Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team. “That day”, said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, “the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world”.Shay didn’t make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making his father so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!}

_{AND NOW A LITTLE FOOTNOTE TO THIS STORY: We all send thousands of jokes through the e-mail without a second thought, but when it comes to sending messages about life choices, people hesitate. The crude, vulgar, and often obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our schools and workplaces.}

_{If you’re thinking about forwarding this story, chances are that you’re probably sorting out the people in your address book who aren’t the ‘appropriate’ ones to receive this type of message. Well, the person who published this believes that we all can make a difference. We all have thousands of opportunities every single day to help realize the ‘natural order of things’.  So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice: Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up those opportunities and leave the world a little bit colder in the process?}

_{A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats it’s least fortunate amongst them.}

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